Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
