margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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