Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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