Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
