i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize