Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
