So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i think im in europe. pls send help
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
