weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
