I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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