I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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