Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
