Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize