Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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