Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's blow job season.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
