Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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