ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
