I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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