he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize