Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
