for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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