Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
