Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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