garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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