He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
