don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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