i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
