um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
