our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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