I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
