Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
