ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
