so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize