Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
