so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
