i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
