My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
