I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize