I'm so fucking centered right now
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
