The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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