So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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