You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
