But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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