No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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