got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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