I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Holy sore nipples Batman
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
