i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
