god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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