i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
