its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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