i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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