So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
