you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
