You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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