Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
