the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
