no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
