in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
