I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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