Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
