I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
