I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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