I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sext me about skeletons
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
