i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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