Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
