just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
