just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
