wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
