Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
