if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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