my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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