i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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