I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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